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Originally Posted by personaldemons
Does anyone else self harm by taking extra pills? I have only cut once in this last year- I just kind of woke up one day as an ex cutter - I felt that part of me was over with. Doing it just gives me more scars, more embarrasment, more hassle from my family... I also have a son coming up to age 2 and I don't want to have to explain what the cuts are... so am I cured? No- I've gone from cutting to taking small ods. They are enough to make me feel weird - to feel damaged- but no one can tell or prove I have done it. I usually do it in the day but when I take my meds before bed I sometimes swallow some extras and figure dying would be a bonus but I'm not taking enough. I don't know if this is dangerous or not. My social worker doesn't do anything when I tell him - just says that I am on a high dose as it is so taking more is not advisable. Anyone have any comments/similar problems.
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I have done this quite a bit over the past 2 and a bit years. It is dangerous, especially if you are repeatedly doing it. My SW (who acts as a kind of counsellor/T) says it does concern him that I do it, and doesn't want to see it accidentaly go too far because there is always that risk, even if you don't think so. Overtime with more and more ODs it is more likely to have some affect. I'm not sure whether it might be useful to see your GP and ask about whether any tests should be done to check for damage done, that is something they'd have to decide depending on the meds and what they could have done and if there is a risk.
After doing this with certain types of meds for a while, and having to go to hospital a few times they decided to take these meds away from me completely. I am no longer allowed them, even if I feel I need them. I can totally understand why, but it is still very difficult for me to deal with the situations this puts me in. Be careful of that.