My Support Forums - View Single Post - Low-Nurturance Families

Kiya · Aug 07, 2009, 09:40 PM

((((((FooZe))))) =)

I am going to take a well earned gold star - I cooked a gourmet pasta dish tonight.
Some background is needed; in my messed up family, on the surface the parents were supportive, said go for your dreams, teach the child to do things and be independent. But they didn't back that up with practice, building on basic skills, and totally undermined everything with their behaviors and actions, abuse in all forms...

So i didn't learn to cook. I mean i could do toast naturally, cereal... boil water for pasta. But that was about it. My gran had taught me to make hamburgers and had me practice all the time - but only at her house was this allowed. So, in college, i didn't have a stove either - i had a fridge and a microwave, and an incredibly short budget (like most) and a dad that waited until I absolutely needed rescuing (aka I'd been eating mayo sandwiches for 3 days and then run out of bread) and would take me on a food shopping spree, and "remind me" that he "gave me" money for rent and food "every month" (aka every 3 or 4 months or when he felt like it or decided i was starving). I was working 20 hours a week which covered my rent and phone (yes i did make it out of the nest once - and spent most of it drinking alone in my room -with the booze i'd brought from home- to keep my mood disorder from taking over). And dad refused me help if i asked for it. Always. "To teach me to do things for myself". But if he sensed that I was floundering (aka he could be the hero) then he would and make a big deal of it.
So 30 years old and still unable to really cook (i'd picked up scrambled eggs which i could get right most the time, french toast, and omelets) I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue and allergic to food - literally 95% of ALL FOOD.
It is really in the past 2 years i have had to teach myself to cook; using the 8 ingredients I am allowed - things like Quinoa and Kamut and the likes I'd never heard of - and learned to really utilize the 4 spices I am allowed (ok 5 if you count sea salt).
All this LONG story to say that tonight I cooked up a bunch of Semolina spaghetti that i found at emergency food that mom wanted to cook up - and split it so she could have hers the way she wants it (with Paul Newman's Bomboli sauce on it) while i stick to my medical diet. I cooked mine to MY perfection (LOL) with butter (yes i cheat, why live if one cannot have SOMETHING to put on food?!), fresh basil, a teeeny bit of sweet onion (another cheat), dried oregano, herbs de province, a pinch of sea salt, and "pesto seasoning" - all topped with mhizethra (which I know i spelled totally funky). And MMMMMMMMMMMMMM was it good. oh and i sautéed the butter, spices, onion and basil first.

SO!!!! Gold COOKING Star for me tonight. I had to fight off mom with a fork - not that it worked. She still got several bites out of it, even though I said no i don't know how many times. Then when I went to eat mine she ate more - i heard her and pinned her with it - she finally admitted by going *gulp* and changing the subject, then complained about her own dinner the rest of the way. *brushes it off*. I have retreated for the night to ponder all this.

Oh - ok another point for me is that at the dr's yesterday there was a new nurse and i had new scars on my arm that i didn't want dealt with. I spoke right up and told her that the head clinician has made it so that if i cannot deal with the blood pressure dealie, due to anxiety, i get to skip it. "and today is one of those days!" It really does cause me triggers, thanks to the dad always using one on me too tight to "practice" his EMS skills. SO i didn't have to have it and didn't have to explain scars. =) Yay me! I used my voice!!!!