Hi _Sky,

It is really hard going through the reactions of what someone says.....especially with the relationship you have with your T. I am sure he knows what he is talking about...but maybe your interpretation may not be what he means.....that happens sometimes when we are in our own minds which seems to be where PTSD puts us most of the time. I think I would have reacted the same way you did. You are so intelegent & knowledgable on the subject matter....it is almost impossible to think there is something you haven't got.

I can kinda relate to not believing in the disability.....I mean...I went out of work on disability 11 1/2 yrs ago...yes it was anxiety & depression with many suicid attempts (lost count at 20 when I just couldn't get it right). I have since learned to live with myself....not always healthy but even started back to school getting all A's...how could I be disabled & do that...or how can I be disabled & still be able to show my horses in the dressage shows & even place with a ribbon....or how can I be disabled & still remember some of my technical lingo from being an engineer over 11 yrs ago...I took some ability tests which included intelligence testing & came out so far above others...How in the world could I be disabled...it just doesn't add up??????? Then comes the question of could I hold down a job???? How in the world do I know if I don't do it...& since when does having a job determine if I am disabled. I look at these things & to me...I don't look disabled....talk to my Pdoc or psychologist or even my GP and..................well...I don't like their answers but internally, realize that they are correct because I have never looked at life the way they do & probably never will.

Thinking about your being hypervigalent....you might have already had that tendancy to react that way when the trauma hit or you might not have reacted the way you did.....that reaction might have been part of your life before & it is not likely to change what is you.

I want you to know as one person....I don't have to learn to live with you....You are just fine the way you are!!!!!

Debbie