Good for you, Kiya! Lots of things you did today.

Lack of teaching essential skills, like cooking, seems to be part of this syndrome too. What we experienced seems to go beyond low-nurturance, although it definitely fits. I've called it a kind of "psychological munchausen's by proxy."

My mother never taught me to cook, either. And didn't let me take home-economics in school. I knew how to make toast and scrambled eggs. That was it. I remember a boyfriend when I was 18 teaching me how to turn pancakes. And a night that mom was gone somewhere (something that pretty much never happened), and I was probably 17 or 18 or so, and we all went hungry because dad asked me if I could make something for dinner and I didn't know how. My kids (ages 11-17) know how to cook, and have specialties. I remember trying to teach my brother how to bake cookies by distance - email and also mailed him a kit I put together. They laughed at both of us for trying, and he never did attempt making cookies that I know of (this was the brother who is dead now - my other brother beat the system and learned to do things). I didn't know how to clean the house or do laundry or mow the lawn or anything. College roommates and my husband and others have called me a liar, but nobody taught me and I was so afraid of getting it wrong that I couldn't figure it out on my own. Mom banned me from sweeping the floor, permanently, because one time I tried, and it was before we found out I was near-sighted, and I couldn't see the dust piles.

Now I can do most of these things, but perfectionism can be paralyzing at times.