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Aug 08, 2009, 01:25 AM
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 795
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
impy, i am asking you because i know you will not think i'm being nit-picky but genuinely being confused. you said when people know the "whole" story, then they will not think those things about me. pdoc doesn't know the whole story. does that mean he thinks those things about me now? is the only way to get him to stop thinking bad things about me tell him all the bad stuff? how will that help if he knows everything? won't it make him even more disgusted in me? and also... am i being manipulative then, if i tell him everything? i'd only be telling him to make (in the hopes of making him) stop thinking bad things about me. 
you're the one person who's not exempt from replying  .
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deli,
This is impy after reading your post  wishing he could go back in time and edit his post to remove the word "whole."
Let's put it another way or two.
Very, very few people would have a negative view of you as you imagine even under the worst of circumstances of what they think and why based on not really understanding your story. But even those very, very few would not have any sort of a negative opinion if they knew more--"whole." Most people don't need to know much to understand how horribly victimized you were, people like pdoc and me. We don't need to know more, everything, or any other word trying to signify "truth/whole truth" to be 100% supportive. Virtually everyone would be already supportive--I was referring to the universal recognition of how horrifying your experience was if--no one could know all about it without being supportive of you. Just because there might be a few who would be confused doesn’t mean that all, most, many…are. Your pdoc seems to recognize the abuse and that you were 100% a victim and 0% to blame.
So pdoc isn’t (nor am I) one of those people who needs to be convinced about the wrongness and reality of what happened to you. We don't "think those things" about you. Your pdoc seems to be extremely supportive and helpful; I think he's a good guy and you're lucky to have him. Not many like that around.
Being manipulative isn't an issue with a T or pdoc as long as you're not trying to exploit anyone. pdoc gets paid to help you, trying to get him to understand you isn't manipulation, it's what's supposed to be what's going on. Whether you're internally driven by this or that in telling him is a very secondary issue. The most important thing is that you tell and then work through it with him or others you have in your life. We all end up revealing things in particularly ways with particular people in varying ways based on varying motivations. Whether to impress or to prevent them from seeing us in a negative light, what we talk about is important material to address regardless of motivation.
Since he's performing a professional service, it's not manipulation or exploitation. HE's gaining from the sessions--money, service credits, workload coverage responsibility, ethically performing his responsibility--his ego: pdoc wouldn't be doing what he does if he didn't believe in the worthiness of it. He benefits from session with you in different ways. You aren't taking away from him; you aren't misleading him to get something from him as if you used someone as a friend when not really feeling that way about them. You're not cheating, not mistreating. Right? It's a unique relationship-type and it exists because you both want to see you get help.
I really wish I could give you a real hug after reading some of your posts. I recognize your pain and it makes me want to protect you from it, but all any of us here have are words on a screen, and it's not enough.
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out of my mind, left behind
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