hi im very new to this..im di..nice to meet you all.
im suffering from depression so the doctors say..
im 21 yrs old,have 3 children.
i live on my own with my eldest child,my 2 others live with my partner or ex not sure what he is to be honest.
they live with him because i couldnt cope...
ive failed terribly at being a mum..
but i can manage my eldest..thats what i find weird
ive been with my partner/ex for 5 and half years
what im struggling with badly is me..i to put ti politley do not like myself.i can be soooo happy one week/month/day and i mean happy as if im on top of the world and nothing is going to spoil it..and the minute something triggers it im way back down..to sitting in a corner not wanting to live..
when im bad i walk round like im in a trance and cant concentrate properly..even when people are talking to me i feel like its just gone right ou of my other ear and havent a clue what they just said.i hardly go out..im ashamed of myself at times..my mother moved half way across the world to malta..so i feel like i dont know her anymore..i hardly talk to her..my dad lives about an hour away in york from me but i wouldnt say we were close we get on better than we did.
my partner i feel so sorry for him,he gets the brunt of it all..i want to end our relationship but dont if you get me..its not fair for him to put up with this and all our problems are my fault..he says i have an attitude,im boring,i have meaning in life,im going no where..
i have failed my children..i dont want to be in their lives because all im doing is causing them pain.
i dont know what to do anymore i really dont :-(