Thanks so much for responding Orange. I'm so sorry about all your losses.
I'm trying to think about that. My husband died several years ago and I think I must have been sad? But I don't know. I think I sometimes have emotions but I don't know what emotions are named. T and I are working on this too. Apparently all emotions have a physical response and certain things that make you know what emotion it is. Very confusing for me. But when I think of husband, I think I miss him- because I don't have any feelings about him. I don't know if that makes sense though. But it's almost as if because I am so numb to the fact that he died, I think it must be because I must miss him.
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Even things like transitional objects don't really help. I "know" they're supposed to keep me connected to T but I can't seem to figure it all out. At least not yet.
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Transitional objects don't seem to work for me either. I have a few pictures of T and I think it helps, but it hasn't changed anything so I think it must not. The same with objects she (or anyone) has given me. I have even faked that things mean something to me, just to seem a little normal.
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I'm a firm believer that knowledge is power. The more we learn about the reasons behind what we do, the more the puzzle pieces start to fit. If you did some reading about object relations, I think it would be a "V-8" moment. 
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I think I'm ready for some "V-8" moments if they will help me get through this. Maybe I can find some stuff and take it to T to read with her. That article that you posted is very interesting and makes sense to me. I think it might fit with what goes on for me.
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I think some might've snuck in behind that big ol' wall. 
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I think you're right. And I'm really glad for that.
