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I agree that this is an “emotional” affair. The degree of the damage in my opinion is what he planned to do, what he did afterwards etc. I think if I had a choice I’d prefer my husband to have a one night stand rather than an ongoing emotionally invested affair. Again, this is my opinion, but I can understand how a huge mistake can be made as the result of a split second decision. But a conscious choice to log on to a computer or dial a telephone day after day… that tells another story. I would also be further troubled that he’s chosen to attempt to keep me locked out of these tools now that he’s been caught.
I have to have as much closure as I possibly can. I would sit him down and tell him, I don’t trust you. You’re more secretive now than before you “ended” this relationship. If you want this marriage to work you cannot continue to act in this suspicious manner. We need to see a counselor to try to determine exactly what you were looking for when you started this relationship, why you felt the need to continue it for so long.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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