Neesha, welcome to the boards. Did you notice that where you are right now mentally, you have a neighbor? I'm right there with you.

I have been cutting alot lately and have already tried suicide a couple of times. I don't believe you can control what you think or feel either........mine just takes me and I go with the emotions and don't think at all. Part of being BPD I guess.

Feel free to vent and talk on here, PM me if you wish. It's what neighbors are for . Maybe talking to someone that is there also will be of some comfort and ease the urge to harm yourself.

Mary Alice