Last night I had a dream about my former mother-figure I had at the boarding school I went to for high school. For the purposes of this I will refer to her as ST from here forward..

So it was just ST and I in her study, and I apologized for how I was acting when I visited before Christmas. (background: she was rude to me and I was really hurt, but ended up acting more distant than upset). I told her that my being angry with her, was really just a reflection of how hurt I was. That by being angry it made it easier to leave, and it made it easier to know that she would no longer be in my life. But now that I was back, I realised that I was wrong, and I wanted her back in my life. She then told me that she was sorry I felt this way and that there was no reason to apologize. She then told me though, that she hadn't even realised that I was angry with her, and that she was sorry for not having any "skills" as a housemaster to realise this (not sure what the skills part was all about). We then got in a long conversation about how much I loved her and just our relationship in general.

She then had a picture of the two of us - I think it was from my grad dinner - because she was holding me in her arms. She said that (referring to this picture) was the way that therapy (??) was suppose to be. That being close and providing loving support was how she did things and that she believed it to be the best way of caring for someone. I then said that I didn't believe in that, and that therapy should be about boundaries because if you show someone that amount of love and support you're only going to hurt them. If you show them that much caring, its only setting them up for disappointment, because ultimately, that relationship will end and you (being her) will go on with your life.

A lot of the dream was me hugging her, or having my head in her lap.... I think it was because I fell asleep I was thinking of good huggers I know, and she is definitely at the top.

There were some other things that happened, but that was the gist of it. Anyhow, I woke up feeling pretty upset. I'm pretty sure I was actually crying because my eyes were all swollen and my nose was runny. And when I first woke up, I was convinced that I needed to email her and tell her what I had in my dream... that having her back in my life was actually a possibility, and all I needed to do was tell her. But then I thought of how blatently rude she was to me while we were there back at Christmas (not acknowledging me talking at the table at breakfast the next morning, and pretty much ignoring me for 10 mins before she said hi initially) and I thought - screw her!

But while I say that, and can intellectually rationalize why I would be feeling like this having a dream like that... there is still a huge part of me that wishes I could actually just hug her and have her back in my life.

What I need you guys to do is tell me how stupid an idea that is, and convince me NOT to email her. You guys are way more rational on this subject then me.