Ryan, short of physical injury, there is NOTHING you can do to make me stop having faith in you and stop me from caring!

Of course, there's a dark side to everyone, but STILL, this isn't you. It's your illness speaking! You know what you have to do to get it under control. There's no way I can get you the help you need because of distance. All I can do is stand firm in my belief that you'll eventually do what you need to do to get yourself out of this dark hole.