I was where you are from age 20-29 (and more recently last week). I never wanted to have any meds because I'd had such a terrible experience on Paxil (first psychotropic drug I was ever on) at age 20. So, I thought all meds would make me psychotic like that. But they don't. When I tried again, due to insomnia and depression last summer, I got a string of SSRIs, also not good for me. Made me feel depressed, anxious, irritable, angry, or had no effect at all. But they were trying to treat unipolar depression so of course it wouldn't work or make me feel worse.

These days, there are quite a few drugs they can give to bipolar people that over time have a good effect. Lamictal seems to be helping me although it's been like a placebo for the first month as they ramped up the dosage ever so slightly every 2 weeks. It's nothing like Lithium from what I read, but it will help with crying spells followed by highs followed by anger, etc. I can still get hypomanic on it so far, so that's not even been taken away.

So, I understand your not wanting to be drugged and I still wonder if the side effects aren't worse than just riding the waves of our emotions, but my sense of well being is improving now that I'm not on what doesn't work (SSRIs, SSNRIs) and am on an anti-convulsant. Think about it, one medication that could just help your brain to not be out of control, but not interfere with normal emotions. It's possible and advances are being made all the time.

I hope you'll not give up. I've wanted to/want to still so many times, but really what other option do we have? Freaking everyone out, including ourselves by our bizarre behavior/emotions. Not being able to hold down a job or support ourselves? Staying up all night doing nothing important (at least I usually play video games and surf the net and can't remember what I was looking for or if I found it the next day); then sleeping for days the next week? Being suicidal one month, hating the way you feel and then loving everyone, and acting recklessly the next? It's really not much of a life at all, although when on the high everything seems great. Our emotions controlling us constantly really is a waste of what we might be doing if we could focus our minds for longer periods of time with somewhat normal sleep.

You will encounter many drugs that keep you from "functioning properly." Those aren't the right ones for you! A good one will help you to feel better than you normally do, since depression is the usual state of most bipolar people.

Take what you want out of this. Just another perspective from one who still is not totally balanced but feels like there are no viable alternatives than meds, therapy, and exercise (all 3, not just one). Our brain chemistry is messed up, so if you lack something that most people have and add whatever you're missing, the doc isn't trying to control you, he or she is trying to help you feel better.