I don't know your age or much about you except for what you've told us. Like I said in the reply to your other thread, finding the right medication for you will allow you to have more independence.

And in my honest opinion (although I'm not a doctor) you seem to be suffering a great deal with your mood swings and you don't have to suffer like that. On the right med you will still feel happy sometimes and sad sometimes, but you won't have crushing depression and anxious lack of sleep for days on end.

It's not a failure to get on the meds merry-go-round (which may take months or a couple of years to find the right combo), it's a part of the solution to feeling better. And the sooner you start, the sooner you can be done with all the moods that mess with your head.

TRIGGER warning below:

I think all of us need meds and most of us will need them for the rest of our lives. Again, it's not a defeat and doesn't make you a weak person. Would you tell a genetic diabetic that they were using their insulin as a crutch? This is not to scare you, but please be aware that this is a serious illness and 20% of those diagnosed will commit suicide. Probably double that will attempt one time or another. You know how awful the lows and mixed episodes are. The numbers go way down if you don't give up on meds until you find a good fit and you take it exactly as prescribed even when you start to feel better. Even if you view me as mean or raining on your parade or that I don't know you and that you can handle your moods just fine, I would feel terrible if no one ever told you the reality of the situation and something bad happened to you. We care about you. So don't give up on you!