Thinker I dnt think anything u have said is mean. U are actually probably right. I've been going through these cycles since I was a preteen I am now 30 years old. When I'm either up or down I feel like I'm ok its normal. But then I have these rapid cycling and if their was only a way to stop that without having to always be medicated. Just today I went from 4 hours of sleep to exercising to crying to going for a jog and now am feeling run dwn and bue. And its only like noon. I haven't been on meds for about 2 years except ativan as needed and I am afraid its time to go back. I just hate feeling like I'm sick. I dnt want to be sick. And if I go get on meds its like accepting it. I dnt know if I'm ready to accept it. I know I'm not. But I'm also smart enuff to know I shld and hopefully can get thru my stubborness and go.