My boyfriend and I were together for a month but at the time I was unaware that for all but two of those days he was cheating on me with someone else. When the other girl found out about me he chose her and just disappeared - no "you're dumped", no explanation, nothing.

After a few months he contacted me and persuaded me to give him another go but I have never trusted him. His messenger list was full of only female names ("SexyHughes" and the like), his internet history showed he'd been on adultfriendfinder.com (the address came up on auto-complete when we were using his laptop together, I'd not gone looking) and his explanation of why he'd left me for the other girl kept changing.

I took him back on the understanding that I would not put up with any dodgy behaviour or him looking for other women. Throughout our 20-month relationship he's been very loving and affectionate but I discovered he'd been checking out profiles of slutty-looking women on the chess site he's constantly on, sending them messages (then totally denying it, despite his IE history giving it away), watching porn-style videos (ditto), letting me find out from his friend that he'd been comforting a "stunning" girl he works with and shaving "down there" all of a sudden.

Last night he lied to me about something as pathetic as his colleague's choice of outfit so it really makes me wonder what else he lies about or keeps from me. The final straw was when I discovered he has a live profile on a dating site and the site said he'd last logged in 42 days ago. He denied going on the site and claimed that someone else must have logged in as him :-o

My boyfriend says I am paranoid, that there's nothing to be suspicious about and asks why I always assume that something's going on behind my back. Given the history and what I've been left to find out for myself (without needing to actively look), I think I'm right to be suspicious! If I'm paranoid it's because he's made me that way!

If you are in a relationship with someone who claims they want to marry you, do you think it is appropriate for them to be doing this kind of stuff behind their partner's back and then totally denying it, despite the evidence being there in black and white?! It seems to be that in his mind, as long as you are not physically cheating there's nothing wrong but to me a committed relationship doesn't include keeping my options open :-(