thanks everyone for the support and understanding and your hugs.

Mary Alice, For some reason I am not able to lose this niavitee. It is funny because I am a cynical person in most areas of my life but when it comes to people's innate goodness I just can't let go of the idea. I wish I could sometimes, like now.

Heidu,
There is a song by the Violent Femmes called "America, the Home of the Hippocrit." When I listen to it I jut have to shake my head because it rings so true. But you know what, I don't think it has to be that way. I believe that the majority of us are not that way. I think there is just a minority of white people who have forgotten that the only people who are not immigrants in this country are the Native Americans. I think a lot of this sentiment is fear based. White, Christians have been in power for a very long time, is it no wonder that they don't want to lose that power? Quite frankly, I don't think that they are aware that America isn't so Christian anymore. I have a feeling that all the other many religions are catching up with them. I think it would be awesome if we could start having paid holidays for every religions special days. Nor is America so very white anymore. As the minorities find their power or should I say their right to have power things will change quite drastically in our government. I look forward to the day because once it happens I won't have to be so ashamed of my color, which is white.

Rapunzel,
I am super proud of how I handled it. It is truly the first time I actually KNEW it was going to pass. This is like an important milestone for me. As far as not being able to gain your trust once it is lost, I find that I don't actually trust anyone until I have put them through their paces. I was married for over a decade before I could trust my husband. I had to put him in a situation where any normal man would leave, when he didn't then I trusted him...sorta. My T is still on the iffy list. I am working on it.

Forgoten,
I guess I am just so used to holding my tongue when I don't have something nice to say that it goes beyond me that others can be so callous. Jerks.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Carrie hugs Peanut back}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks darling.

To Everyone: I talk to my husband about my feelings. He refered me back to my T. This frustrated me because I thought I was doing such a good job dealing with it. So I call my T and told him about it and he said I did beautifully, just what we have been working on and no I don't need to go see him about it. Then he postulated that maybe hubby might need to see someone since he is still having such problems dealing with my talking directly to him about my problems. I think Dan, my T, is finally realizing that there was a reason I learned to stuff my feelings and not talk about them to my husband. I think he is starting to realize that he may have misjudged how much of what I was telling him was distorted by my BPD. He did give me a good way to discuss this problem with my group. He pointed out that there should be many classifications of BPD because there are many different presentations of the disorder but unfortunately if you are Borderline you get lumped in with everyone. He said that I present more of a PTSD symtemology (I am not sure if symtomology is even a word I just made it up tee hee) which is much more High Functioning then other types. So what I think is if I explained to my bi-polar group that BPD is much like bi-polar in that there should be the different classifications like they have. I think they could understand that. Anyway I have to get out of here and go to work. Take care everyone, and thanks again.
Carrie





<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson