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Aug 10, 2009, 01:35 AM
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
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Hi everyone. Does this sound like OCD to you? I will start worrying about something from my past, present, or the future and I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I will worry a lot about something that happened years ago, even though I worked it out at the time it happened. The thoughts just get stuck and I can't stop thinking about them. Many times I will work the same problem out in my head over and over as though I just can't remember how I decided that I was "okay" with this thought. I know the thoughts are irrational, but at the time I am obsessing it is like I have to think them through until I am certain that things are "okay". Many times, I will feel I can't get the house cleaned unless I find some way to work this obsession out in my head. It's almost like I do not feel I am worthy of a clean house until I make these thoughts go away. Sometimes the only thing that will help me is to confess these things to someone else. If they give me the wrong facial expression or say the wrong thing, it can make me even worse. That just really triggers me. The anxiety kicks in big time and I won't hardly leave that person alone until I feel I am "okay" again. I hate that part of whatever this is I have....I guess it's ocd?
I don't have any of the compulsive hand washing...etc. That's why I wonder what I have. I took the OCD test, and my numbers were in the 70's I believe...it looked real favorable that I have it. The obsessions I have are clear, but what are my compulsions? Does anyone know? I don't seem to have any of the classic ones.
Just so you know, I also have the odd sexual thoughts that often accompany OCD. Weird thoughts pop into my head that I can't seem to control, but the only difference between me and many of the others who talk about this problem is that even though I would never ever do any of these things, it isn't that there isn't some desire that accompanies it. Many people say that there is no desire there, but for me there is a desire, but I am sickened by it and know I would never ever in a million years do it. Sorry, I wish I could say what "it" is, but that would be too embarrassing for me at this time. Do any of the rest of you who suffer from the odd sexual thoughts, feel any desire along with it even though you know you would never do it? I feel so alone in this as I can't stop the thoughts, and want to so desperately. Or maybe it's that I tell myself that I have these desires so I can just feel worse about myself. I'm a mess, lol.
By the way, I am new here and I just want to say that the people here seem so caring. I was reading some of the posts and I couldn't believe all of the wonderful support I was seeing. Thanks everyone.
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