Hi Jacq, I know you only from some of your recent posts and ST not at all, so I figure that qualifies me to let my imagination run wild. I hope you'll find some use for any lucky guesses I may make and correct my unluckier ones as necessary.
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Originally Posted by jacq10
(background: she was rude to me and I was really hurt, but ended up acting more distant than upset).
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I was wondering what message you actually got from what you're calling her rudeness -- that she was expressing some kind of animosity toward you? That she was protecting herself from you or you from her? That she had her attention on someone or something else and couldn't be bothered with you?
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I told her that my being angry with her, was really just a reflection of how hurt I was.
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Was that that your assessment after you woke up, too, or was it something that made sense only in the dream? You were hurt that what happened, exactly -- or failed to happen?
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But now that I was back, I realised that I was wrong, and I wanted her back in my life.
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It was your dream, so you'd know better than I; still, I'm used to dreams being about people's attributes a lot more than about actual people. I'd guess that you wanted
something back in your life but that it was much more likely something that she'd once provided for you and/or that she now reminded you of, than about her "in person".
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She then told me ... that she was sorry for not having any "skills" as a housemaster to realise this (not sure what the skills part was all about).
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I get the impression that she had made you feel cared about while you were living there. I can't tell, though (and I'm not sure how clearly you can either, at this point) how much of that was her personally caring about you versus her professionally doing her job for you and her other charges.
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We then got in a long conversation about how much I loved her and just our relationship in general.
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Again, since this was a dream conversation I'm inclined to look below the surface first. Accordingly, what I'm imagining you actually saying (feel free to smite me if I'm wrong) is one of two things: that you
would have loved your relationship to be some way that it never quite was -- or that you really did love her and the relationship you had with her, but had difficulty telling her so IRL.
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I then said that ... therapy should be about boundaries because if you show someone that amount of love and support you're only going to hurt them. If you show them that much caring, its only setting them up for disappointment, because ultimately, that relationship will end...
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I'm guessing here that you were disappointed about some aspect of your relationship with her but if so, I have no idea whether that would be more because it ended or because it never quite got off the ground for you.
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A lot of the dream was me hugging her, or having my head in her lap.... I think it was because I fell asleep I was thinking of good huggers I know, and she is definitely at the top.
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Or maybe you first thought about good huggers, then dreamed about her, because you were already feeling like you needed a hug (or whatever a hug represented for you at the moment).
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But while I say that, and can intellectually rationalize why I would be feeling like this having a dream like that... there is still a huge part of me that wishes I could actually just hug her and have her back in my life.
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Would you prefer to have all of her back in your life, or just certain attributes of hers like her hugging ability?
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What I need you guys to do is tell me how stupid an idea that is, and convince me NOT to email her.
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Nuh-uh! Ixnay! No way!
If we call you stupid you'll stop telling us your dreams, won't you?
It might be misdirected, or counterproductive, or a lousy idea, but the 6-letter S-word shall never pass my lips in this thread.
I do think, though, you need to have this conversation with whoever or whatever she represents for you, not with her in person.