You're just fine at encouragement. I'm just very hard to encourage right now.

Half of me is insomniac fed on adrenaline, keep waking up in fear of bad dreams or things that aren't there; the other half keeps saying things will never get better, no one listens, why bother to try. I'm very close to wanting to give up. The only reason I don't go surrender myself to a hospital is that the bill, once it comes, will make me suicidal all over again. So I take it, hoping for a doctor in the near future who will listen and prescribe me meds that work for me with the fewest side effects.

Everyone, I got about 3 hours last night/this morning, but heavily interrupted. Not sure what part of the cycle this is, but I hate it. No respite even in sleep.

Love you guys. Don't want to bring anyone down.