I was wondering what message you actually got from what you're calling her rudeness -- that she was expressing some kind of animosity toward you? That she was protecting herself from you or you from her? That she had her attention on someone or something else and couldn't be bothered with you?

Well first she didn't come say hello to me (after a year of not seeing me) until like 10 mins of my being there ... and yes she did see me... and then the next day at breakfast she wouldn't even look at me across the table (even when I was talking) and when she was talking she just completely avoided eye contact.

Was that that your assessment after you woke up, too, or was it something that made sense only in the dream? You were hurt that what happened, exactly -- or failed to happen?

No, I was actually surprise that I have enough awareness to say this in my dream. It still holds true to this day. Even know I have a hard time talking about her because I just get angry as a coping mechanism almost.... though it is better than the curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry mechanism

It was your dream, so you'd know better than I; still, I'm used to dreams being about people's attributes a lot more than about actual people. I'd guess that you wanted something back in your life but that it was much more likely something that she'd once provided for you and/or that she now reminded you of, than about her "in person".

While she did have some attributes that were better than others, at the time, I loved her unconditionally as a mother-figure, and even now IF she was back in my life.... I would want the whole her back. Good thing I don't want her back being she is a lying manipulative self-focused 6 letter S word.

I get the impression that she had made you feel cared about while you were living there. I can't tell, though (and I'm not sure how clearly you can either, at this point) how much of that was her personally caring about you versus her professionally doing her job for you and her other charges.

And this is where things get sticky.... she had really poor adult/child boundaries and was very expressing of affection to everyone - that part I believe was her job. But out individual relationship consisted of a lot more than casualties... we were very intimate in our self-disclosures (on both our part) and she told me that if she could she would adopt me

Again, since this was a dream conversation I'm inclined to look below the surface first. Accordingly, what I'm imagining you actually saying (feel free to smite me if I'm wrong) is one of two things: that you would have loved your relationship to be some way that it never quite was -- or that you really did love her and the relationship you had with her, but had difficulty telling her so IRL.

You are right on the first part... I would have loved our relationship to continue after I graduated. But as for the second part.... we were very open with each other and I told her multiple times how much I loved and cared for her... and she told me in the same. ....... stupid stupid stupid ST

I'm guessing here that you were disappointed about some aspect of your relationship with her but if so, I have no idea whether that would be more because it ended or because it never quite got off the ground for you.

I am just hurt because she didn't follow through on anything that she had promised me, and essentailly just set me up to have my heart even more broken then I was prepared to do. In the end, I'm pretty sure the straw that broke the camels back was when she saw my SI. Quite naturally (I guess) she freaked out, but instead of talking to me or asking if I was ok, she just shut down. Things went downhill from there i'd say... well, they were already pretty down before that too.

Would you prefer to have all of her back in your life, or just certain attributes of hers like her hugging ability?

I have to talk rationally now, and if I had her in my life then I'm sure I would just become overly-attached, and someone keep getting myself setup to be her. My life is easier without her in it, I just with there were someway to resolve all that has already happened between us so I can just move on. Being in contact with her won't help... in fact that would just add to the attachment..... Any body have any pills that will just erase memort??? ... I'm just sick of being hurt by her, and having nothing that I can really do about it

((((((((((((((((((((Fool Zero))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks for your response