But I don't believe I have it. I'm sure a lot of people don't believe they have it as well but I'm pretty sure I don't.
First not much of my time is blacked out. I have only 2 instances where this "blackout" lasted longer than a couple minutes. Once I was drinking and the other time I was sick apparently crawling on the floor screaming that I was going to die. I don't remember but like one second here or there, like small short flashes from that night. A flash on the floor, a flash in the bathroom, a flash in the ambulance, a flash at the hospital. Once I left the hospital though almost as soon as I walked out the door my memory began again. This lasted about 5 hours. The first one lasted about 8 hours and for the life of me I can't remember one second from that night.
Than there are short ones that last a minute or two. Like when I'm driving I'll be leaving the store or something and the last thing I will remember is being in the parking lot than I'm driving and almost home already. It happens mostly when I'm driving. Than when I was diagnosed it was after my mom took me to the doc for only one small reason
All I know is I was walking down the hall at my old house when I was 15 and I heard my mom yell "What did you say to me?!?!" but I didn't know I had said anything. Apparently I told my mom to "go f...." herself. I seriously don't remember that. A few times when I was 15 something happened like that where people said I had said something but I didn't. I thought they were just trying to get me into trouble.
My husband occasionally says I said something that I never did, sometimes I can remember thinking it but not saying it. I just think maybe my memory is terrible. It seems if I did have DID it wouldn't just happen occassionally and I would have other "personalities" whether I knew they were unreal or I didn't, but I sit here alone with just my daughter and husband when he gets off work and I know the whole time it's just us 3.
I do have times where I am just merely thinking something and within a second I completely forget what I was thinking about and my mind is blank. Like yesterday when I was trying to fall asleep I remember thinking about something and planning something but within a second it was gone from my memory, I had thought about that something for like 5 minutes than it was completely erased from my memory and I sat there for so long trying to remember what it was I was thinking about but just couldn't remember.
This is why I think what I have is a bad memory and not DIDs. When the doc diagnosed me with DIDs it scared my mom. Anyone ever see the movie about the guy with DIDs? I forget the name at the moment (see bad memory) but it really scared her.
Any thoughts from people who do suffer from dids?