Yes, in view of the oppressive, confusing cloud under which you're working and the stigmas usually attached to these feelings, you may not now be able to feel proud for posting, but we can and do admire you.
Wow. That's me. For better or worse, my drugged, apathetic system prevents me from feeling the full sting of that assessment. But I'm in something of a different place from you. I wish I could take the sting away, or at least distract you from it.

Distraction and self-distraction - those can be decent methods of coping with depression and anxiety. I'm sure your family, friends, cyber-friends and others will have plenty of suggestions.

I'm sorry your med trials have so far failed to find the mark. Psychotropic meds apparently have individualistic effects. What works for one won't work for or even hurt another. You may need a carefully tweaked combination of drugs; only time will tell.

Please forgive me if anything above insults your intelligence or triggers you. I wish you peaceful patience as you face this illness.