Hi confused1234,

Instead of giving him one last chance why not give yourself the opportunity of learning more about what your needs are, how to rightfully ask for and protect them, and how to navigate what you want out of a relationship?

You are worth being treated well and not having mean nasty things said to you ever.....during an argument or not.

Raising one's hand, whether or not one intends to strike, is a dangerous sign of intimidation. Not a good thing.

I base the above on what you've written. I don't know any more about what is going on for you two than what you've shared. I'm guessing and inserting a little bit of what I've learned over fifteen years of watching women and men go through this dance of what constitutes abusive behaviour. My own ex wouldn' t harm a fly...........until they sucker punched me one day long after we had split. So that gentle soul who used words instead of violence decided one day to cross that line. The ppl who believed this person would never harm a living creature couldn't argue with my swollen face.

I worry that you would find someone like him again who doesn't care about your needs and is emotionally abusive and intimidiating. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, treats you kindly and NEVER EVER raises a hand at you "even if he would never follow through"!!

Have you ever talked with a counselor? Your clergy? A trusted friend? In almost every city across the States there is a hotline for domestic violence/women's crisis services. Although you are expressing you have not been abused physically what you have told us is of enough concern that I implore you to try calling one of these places to get feedback.

They're better trained to help you judge IF your situation is one that could be helped by therapy by both parties or if this is the beginning of an abusive cycle and you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

Keep writing and let us know what is going on.