I swear sometimes my head feels so cloudy and fuzzy that even my hobbies seem to be a chore. I reach periods of time where I don't want to see or talk with friends and have to rehearse what I could say just to keep a conversation going. I fear sometimes that I'll drive away friends that I'd like to believe I care about by being really cold and distant with them. I don't exactly intend to be. It seems to happen alot of the time when I get into these deppressive like moods.

However, I find myself annoyed with these depressive spells. I don't get anoyed because they happen, cause Ive generally accepted that for one reason or another, I end up feeling like this. What annoys me is that I always, these days and in the past, try to fight it off and wait to see if it gets so bad that I can't function for anything. However, everytime I think about getting help, it seems to magically lift itself for a while and so I don't. So this time, I was really was going to talk to a counselor regardless of what hapened, but go figure, after about two weeks, I'm feeling fine, and I'm not supposed to be seeing anyone for atleast another two weeks.

Even if I go talk about this, I'm not sure what kind of help it'll be if I'm not feeling bad at the time. It's things like this that really make me think I'm just making it up, but when its bad, it's pretty bad so I think I'm just in denial. I'm tired of playing these mind games with myself but I don't want to seem stupid when I go and actually talk