Hey Lauru. I think all of us with mood disorders think and feel the very same thing...that we are a burden to our loved ones. It's harder to do this than to say it, but this is a part of an endless loop and you need to remind yourself that the more you think and feel that you're a burden, the more you'll behave like one. Case in point: the person who fears rejection becomes more and more needy, possessive, and clingy and the people in their lives eventually reject them for feeling suffocated.

What I DON'T want to communicate is that you're somehow bad or doing something wrong. I'm just telling you how I refocus my mind sometimes. When I get into the "people would be better off without me" rut, I say, the more I act like that is true, the more I will push people I care about away even when they don't want to be pushed away. They love us and want to help, but with our behaviors we're basically saying, "Let me sink, save yourself" over and over again. One day they may listen to us because we've programmed them for so long. But the longer you've been friends/in a relationship with someone, the less likely that is to happen.

So instead focus on their support of you through all these tough times and thank them on a regular basis (which I'm sure you already do). Think, "My friends, partner, and family just want me well. I'm not making them sink. Just as I am responsible for my mental well being, so are they. What I do affects them, but only so far as when I'm totally giving up/not trying to get well any more." And again, easier said than done when you're so depressed you're just laying around the house or not able to work. I too feel lame that I only have 1 day of work a week and am too stressed to get a second job to pay my share of the rent and groceries (for the past 8 months!). But my partner isn't mad at me. He just wants me well and knows that when I get the right meds combo and make progress in therapy, I'll start paying my share again. In fact, one day I may need to support him in a crisis...and I'll be glad to return the favor.

In sum, go you for getting back to work. Good luck. I'm sure you'll do great. And we'll be here even if you don't have the bestest of days.