I have been crying my eyes out all day, and strangely, it helps. I don't generally cry, even in my deepest depression, but there's something about the way my therapist speaks and supports me that makes me feel safe enough to let it all out.

He is a bright spot in my life right now.

My husband's grandmother passed this morning. I had actually prayed that I be taken instead because I haven't appreciated my life, and she has. (in my irrational depression) For goodness sakes, she went to speak-easies and heck probably started on in her neighborhood. She was full of a good fire right till the end this week.

I am so confused about my feelings that are pouring out of me right now. I am really sad and depressed, but at the same time, happy that I can let it all out today. I want to go to bed, but I want to learn to paint, learn to blow glass into witch balls, and learn to appreciate my life.

I guess it's healthy to let myself cry...maybe that's a good sign, or maybe that's more depression. I just don't know how to interpret what I am feeling.