How do people know the truth is the opposite? Confused...

I guess I just feel that demon sitting on my head, wishing I would die, wishing I could rid myself of the demon and I hate that demon, but then I feel like that deon is me becaise the demon is a part of me now, but they made that demon and I don't want ANYTHING to do with them...

But I just can't seem to get rid of this demon. The AD's work, I feel happy for 2 weeks, but then something huge happens top just s--t right on my face and kick me in the stomach and take me right back down to the bottom of that pit of depression and find myself splayed on my back with the demon sat on me. It's just not fair! Why can't someting good EVER happen without something bad happning that's so big it cancels out all the good stuff that's happened?!?!?!

I just don't get it