Oh Sannah, you make so much sense! Reading the second article was interesting. Something I need to thik about there. FooZe talks about stuff in this kind of way too and I like it I hadn't really wanted to think about why I was restricting, I guess I didn't want to know but I just ate something and now I feel really sick.. But I'm going to eat at least one thing whilst on the residential. I just went shopping with a friend who's going to be coming with me on the residential, to get some food.

No, I am not seeing my counsellor now. I won't be seeing her until 2nd September.
It's not that I try to fight the panic attacks it's that I panic more and more as I get less able to breathe, one of my friends passed out during a panic attack because she stopped breathing and that thought always makes my panicking even worse. I just flap about a lot especially when people are around and they try to touch me to ground me or something and make me calm. It just makes me flap even more and try to talk even more therefore be able to breathe even less!

I have decided that I need to talk about the abuse to someone and find out what I ought to do about what happened in my childhood. I need justice to be served before I can just move on. Once they have felt pain for the pain that they caused me to feel, I will be relieved of the heavy burden of their lies and with more therapy I hope and believe I will begin to be happier and more able to lead my life myself. So I have the number to a helpline and althoguh I hate helplines and don't like talking to people on them/using them, this time I have a strong knowledge that I need to phone them and tallk to them. I can call them for free from my mobile too, which makes it even better!

I'm still sweating buckets just sat here, I'm so anxious about going home tonight. Seeing the bedding from where HE lay last night and remembering what he did. Ugh. It's just so much to make me panic and it's doing my head in!!!! ARGH! How COULD I possibly trust this guy again?!?!? NI never ever will! I'm not cutting his hair for him anymore, not letting him help me to clean my flat, not going anywhere with him whether alone or with someone else ---I don't care and I'm avoiding him now as much as possible. I hate him.