sorry i posted and ran. everything is such a mess right now. i thought that WE were all under control, but in this existence nothing is for certain. i lost my job, my ex and his new wife filed for placement change, my pdoc is messing around with my meds making daily life even more difficult, i finally bought a house that i'm going to be living in alone (we hate alone), some of the more destructive others keep putting us at risk, and therapy seems to have come to a standstill. I have felt so good for so long. I think the longer you can maintain, the worse setbacks are to the psyche. i have had so many suicidal thoughts that i've started to keep myself at home. i know isolation isn't healthy, but it's the only way i feel safe. my pdoc and t know, but they just keep saying we'll find the right meds just be patient. i'm really trying.