I hate myself and I do have very good reasons....

I'm so obsess with him although we broke up and I don't get in touch with him....but I go to his facebook and try to figure out who he's dating....and I guess and then I cry and make myself upset....I am so crazy to do that....that's why I hate myself....It's like I'm taking a knife and cutting myself with it....
I cut off myself from dance class too and all the places he goes....I don't sign up to gmail messenger anymore, but I hate myself doing all these crap...I'm just so crazy....and I can't move on....It's been almost two months that he didn't call me at all and I still think about him....even when I wake up in the middle of night to toss and turn, I think about him....or even if I don't think about him, I think what I have to think that it's missing in my head? then I remember him....I hate myself for doing this to myself....
I just created a monster for myself....I could have just called him and go out with him and find out why? or whatever....but I wasn't brave enough to do that....I let him to just walk away and I didn't ask for any closure even! Probably, I knew the closure already....
I hate myself, because I'm not even in love with him, I'm just obsess about him...probably, because he left me...I left him first and then he made me to go out with him and then he dumped me....It's like a game!
I hate myself for hating myself!
I hate myself for being so jealous....

sorry folks for being negative again....I had to tell somebody....I don't want to tell any friends anymore...everybody is sick and tired of me!

anyway, tonight I'm going to Sacramento to take care of my sister....she has a kidney stones and she has to go to hospital tomorrow morning....I'm so worry for her....

with love
Marjan