I miss our deep discussions. I miss sparring with him. I remember one conversation we got into about why human beings do things to help others and was that all self-serving, altruism or some of both? I miss his company. I miss sitting with him in silence. I miss his smile and his laugh. I miss his little sounds. I miss the glowy-eyed look that came over his face whenever he spoke about his child. Generally, I just miss being with him. I've heard the argument that the missing part has nothing to with the therapist but what we get out of being with the therapist. I think, again, the same could be said in all relationships if you wanted to think that way. I prefer to believe that the person behind the therapist ellicits those positive feelings because there is some kind of human connection between us. We enjoyed one another's company. I think we brought out some of the best in one another. The "in-love" part is weird for me because while I have all of the physiological sensations of romantic love, at its heart this thing is all about sweetness and purity. It's pretty special and I hold that in my heart.

As for how I actually feel when I miss him...it's yearning. I yearn for the conversations, for his smile, for his sparkly-eyed look, for his company. It's an aching kind of longing, melancholy feeling. It passes and then I again feel his presence in a positive way, but it still happens from time to time.