{{{{{{{Eljay}}}}}}}

I have a lot to say about your post but I'm going to try to keep it brief because I tend to ramble when I write. I think it's because I want to be understood. But nonetheless, here goes.

I am a caucasian American. I am 56 years old. I remember when I was a child and African-Americans were segregated from the white people in my small home town. I never understood it. My parents never spoke about it. It was just the way it was. Then in the 1960's, the Civil Rights Act was passed and the movement began to end segregation and provide equal rights to all people of color. That struggle still goes on today, to a more covert degree, but ask anyone and if they are being honest, they will tell you that it continues today in our country, the "Land of the Free". In the 1970's and 1980's, I worked in government to enforce the civil rights laws in my home state of Kansas. It never ceased to amaze me how deeply seated bigoted thinking went. And it still does!

I can tell you one thing: no person of color holds the entire caucasian world responsible for their mistreatment. They are not narrow-minded enough to believe that each individual white person agreed with the government policies that oppressed them. You were a child. You did not have significant influence on those policies. Teenagers are always wrapped up in their own lives. Also, IMHO changing attitudes usually happens one person at a time.

What I am telling you is that you cannot carry the entire responsiblity of your government on your shoulders and allow it to make you miserable. You know now that what they did was wrong. What matters is what you do and how you live from this moment on. Let this one go, sweetheart. It is way too big for you to carry. It doesn't matter what your family thinks. What YOU think matters but please don't carry that guilt another day. It doesn't belong to you.

We care about you here.