(((((((((((((((Sunny))))))))))))))

I've read your post a few times over the past couple of days, but can't seem to put a coherent thought together to reply. The nuances of therapy relationships have my head spinning right now.

I guess one thing that stands out for me in your post was that when you finally let yourself be vulnerable and cry about how you feel about the relationship, T said "here is our rapport". I thought that was very sweet. Like "here's Sunny, where has she been? I like her and I missed her". Very loving and accepting.

Having said that, though, you are still entitled to all of your other feelings - especially the anger that seemed to be bubbling under the surface for you. I REALLY did not like his comment either about 'I'm not firing you as a client" What kind of comment was that?? If I were at a point where I was feeling even remotely safe in therapy, I would call him on that. It does sound like a power play, whether he meant it that way or not, and I would need gobs of clarification before I could really move past it.

Do you think that at the root of all of this is fear? Fear that your relationship is coming to an end? The session started with his comment "you're doing so well, so..." that he didn't finish. You said that you have been seeing him for 34 months and that he doesn't see people for more than 36 months. I know this topic is SO scary for you, but do you think it's time to bring it up? Pretending it's not "there" doesn't make it go away. And you have such a beautiful relationship with him...I know that IF it is coming to a close, you and T will make sure that it ends in just the right way...IF you allow that to happen. Or, maybe you will ask him, and T will say "your situation is unusual with the divorce, so we still have quite a bit of time ahead of us to just work on you"...or...who knows? I know for me having that hang over my head would make it very hard to really let myself connect with T.

I hope you get a response to your e-mail, Sunny. It was brave of you to send it.

lots of to you...