Hi Ama. The problem is/was the p-nurse (and I) didn't know I was bipolar when she started seeing me last summer. She prescribed a ton of antidepressants and all of them failed for making me feel worse or doing nothing, except for Wellbutrin. Was still depressed, however, the WB just kept me from sleeping all day most days. When I took it at a higher dose, however, it made me anxious, so she added Lorazepam and I went down in dose on WB. That was good for a few months in winter. Then she switched me from LZ to Seroquel. At first SQ was good, then it built up in my system and made me feel weak and tired all the time. So she added Effexor. That made me shaky and neurotic, so she took me off it and this was about the time we figured out I was bipolar (late May). Got dx'd in June. Then she ordered Lamictal. So, my mood wasn't stable when it was added on July 5th. Since I felt so terrible for the 3 weeks before I fired her, she suggested adding Lithium, and I told her I'd heard bad things about it like weight gain, hair loss, feeling drugged all day, etc.

Anyways, I'm now 10 days away from being able to see my first p-doc. The old p-nurse did mail her my records so hopefully she'll have a plan before I get there. I'm kind of worried what she will try at this point, but my mood is definitely not stable and I still can't sleep more than 6 hours and I wake up most mornings at 5 something. I used to wake up at 8 or 9. I like having more energy, but I don't like how exhausted my eyes and body are.

According to the mood tracker here, I've been in a state of mania (except for last Sunday night...which was either mixed or I was just plain depressed) since July 31st. The only dangerous behaviors I exhibit (or have in the past) is feeling invincible when I'm driving. Which yes, is very bad. In the past I drank too much and blacked out. I also did have about a year of hypersexuality as well...not sure if that's related to bipolar or not. Before and after that reckless behavior I was either asexual or completely devoted to just one person and didn't want to be with anyone else.

The nurse thought I was bipolar ii because she'd never seen me manic or even hypomanic, which is why she thought Lamictal was the best and only thing I needed. Funny, but as soon as I quit her and went off of Seroquel (low dose for sleep) is when this sleepless/hyper and sometimes irritable period came on. I'm in touch with my therapist though, so he knows about this episode and he's the one who pointed out some of my insomnia periods in the past were probably irritable mania. I had a manic/psychotic reaction to Paxil, which is apparently classic when I was 20. I drove across the country and back at age 23 in about a week. (seriously, LA to Boston with only 2 overnight stops, one near Chicago at my old college).

So, I am bipolar i and I'm not stabilized. I'm more than a little concerned that I am waking so early and going to sleep so late...and I want to travel... and if I start to walk, I just keep going and going, my body feeling detached from my head. I got about 5hrs 45mins last night on 2 Amitriptylines.

Sorry for rambling. I'll go read everyone else now.