Maybe I am just switching on my own and the Klonopin is keeping somewhat at bay. It is definitely an irritated mania and the victim of my mania is the leader of another health and wellness board who is telling people what and how to think. Grr. I hate that.

Anyway, it seems like I don't lost my mind at home as long as I maintain .5mg twice a day and 1 mg to sleep but I forgot my afternoon .5 mg yesterday and I was so upset. I was going off on things which is very unlike me. I was fearful and shaky and verycombative on that other message board. I am surprised I didn't get kicked off, but I kink of want to poke the bear because I think I am leaving it anyway.

10 days till I see my p-doc. I hope I can describe accurately what is going on with me. I am still sleeping 10-12 hours and haven't had a shower in 3 days (yuck) but I have been obsessed and combative and getting into online drama like a rebellious child. I am 35. I have all but quit my business, but everyone thinks I am just taking time off. I have no clients anyway right now.
I am not suicidal, thankfully, but I am swirling the drain and I feel something majorly bad coming on. I want to scream but I don't dare, and instead of running away I am holding my ground but my arguments don't make sense. I can't make a decision about even the simplest things, and I went all day yesterday after breakfast without eating because I couldn't decide what to eat. I finally took some leftover Chinese food at 7pm. It feels better than deep depression, but I am still unbelievable impaired. I think my family and I are going to the beach today so maybe I can just chill or bake in the sun.