I'm no doc, but it doesn't sound like you're on the right combo for you yet or maybe just the dosage is wrong. Like, because you were in such bad shape before, they gave you high doses of everything, but now you could probably back off of some of them and feel a little more stable. Perhaps that's what your p-doc is planning on doing at your next meeting.

Hope you can hold on for another 10 days. Wishing you the best. And do keep calling your people even if you think they're getting annoyed. I'm always worried about that with friends and emailing therapists. I'm pretty long winded when I write, as you can see. They have one line responses like, "Sorry to hear that. How's Thursday next week." Hehe, but not like I expected them to work when I'm not in front of them. I just want to update them and see if anything is serious enough to seek help.

You have to take care of you first. Don't forget that. It's not selfish. It may mean solitude in nature; it may mean journaling or something else. Once you're better and stable, you can work on other things. I beat myself up over not being able to write like I used to...or in fact do much of anything except for come online and eat. I used to be so accomplished, but apparently my brain's taking a vacation, with or without me and I have to give it space to heal. Think of the (silly, sorry) broken leg that has to be stabilized with a cast, then needs time to heal. No one says, get off of your crutches and mow the lawn, you're so lazy. That would be dumb. But we say **** like that to ourselves. Yes, I'm not accomplishing what I'd like to do, but I am accomplishing what I NEED to do...and that's getting well. And I hope you'll be able to see it that way too and forgive yourself for not doing your regular "duties," while in this state. If you can't, you just can't.