For some reason the edit button isn't showing on my post. I wanted to add some more thoughts on this.

Rainbow:
Yeah, the aching, yearning feeling--to me that's not so real because my T is just a regular woman, so why would I ache for her?

Ugh. I can't seem to get rid of the italics. Oh well. Rainbow is a friend, but friends can disagree on things sometimes. I have been thinking about this and we have very different views here. I honestly think that the "regular woman" part would be exactly why you would ache for her. Growing to love someone...in whatever sense you might love them...to me is about familiarity and recognizing that person for who they are. That means acceptance and appreciation of faults as well as attributes. It means the imperfections may be as endearing as anything positive because it is a part of the whole person. Therapists may only reveal parts of themselves to their clients, but they can't hide the outward things that make them who they are. There is beauty in every small revelation of the self. My T always took in an extra breath when he was about to make an important point to me. After a time, I began to recognize this. It's a piece of his puzzle and one that I grew to appreciate as a small part of him. To me, loving is about knowing, recognizing, understanding and appreciating who someone is...no matter who they are. It isn't always about who they are (characteristic traits and whatnot) but it's also about becoming aware of them as a person. That's how we grow to love our children. Small revelations of the self that we are there to witness unraveling before us. It's pure and beautiful. And that is love to me. It's... I want to know you...no matter who you are. It's beauty in life and it's often non-verbal. This gentle awareness of someone else can be quite profound. That's the way I love my T. I can't deny it's partly transference, but it also has to do with who he is as a person.

Anyone who has lost a loved one due to death yearns for their presence. They ache for that person's light...the little things about them that shine on who they are. So one may miss the crooked smiles, the stuttered words, the misplaced hairs on someone's head, the loud laugh...as much as they might miss the beautiful smile and the tender voice. "Regular" is beautiful when it's that person's regular and we know it as that person's "regular". "Regular" is what makes us human, what makes us unique...it's what makes us who we are...and that's a beautiful thing. So at times, I long and yearn and ache for my T's "regularness". It was always about simple love. It was very pretty and it still is.