I always do and I can't seem to help it. Now I have upset one of the only people who has been there for me. I do this all the time! I'm left alone as always and fear it may be for the best!

I always upset people no matter what I do and I ruin absolutely everything. I didn't think that I was depressed but for some reason I can't help but feel this sort of pain... I haven't been upset in YEARS but the feeling has come back. Maybe it's because the rest of my problems have come back as well or maybe it's because I have realized no matter how hard I try I will ruin everything and be alone forever!

I feel terrible for upsetting this person that I'm afraid I have lost. I know I have and I know things wont get any better. I have to find a way to stop hoping someone will accept me and I can stop upsetting people, but I don't know if that will ever happen.

My pain has been gone for 5 years. I have felt nothing but love and anger basically, no happiness really and no sadness, I missed the pain when I couldn't feel it because it made me feel human, but NOW I miss the days with no pain because I can't bear the reality at this moment. I am losing my mind in nearly every sense and have absolutely no one to be there for me. This will always be my problem.

No friends, no family and no therapist that can put up with me. One day even my daughter will leave me. I don't know what I'm going to do. Every inch of me is telling me to stay away from everyone, I have lost so many people from death and so many more from just being myself and I can't take loss any more!

I'm sorry for posting this when no one probably cares, and I'm sure I have over stayed my welcome, I hoped and prayed that I would find some sense of comfort on this site and I have. But good things never last and I just don't know what to do.

Everyone says, on this site, "We're here if you need anyone" but I know that wont last because give me 5 minutes with you and you will hate me like everyone does.

Even the other person in side my head is afraid to come out, I've scared her away and I've never even met her before. I ruin everything and I just don't know how to stop. I need to cut off communication with people completely but I also need someone I can talk to, I have more than anyone on this site knows going on with me right now but I don't try to talk about it much because I don't want to bother people with my problems.

So what do I do? I have no where to go but I badly need somewhere to go. I'm left alone and will always be alone. There is no hope for me, I will end up just floating through life without one person who can deal with me, without one person who will love me for who I really am. I'm a failure and that will never change!