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Aug 17, 2009, 05:20 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Posts: 2,779
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michah
It is this very reply and Muffys as well that make it all worth while.......the gems of advice that resonate soundly with me......energy creates heat in some instances and that is what I achieved in reading these replies........despite my warmth as a human being, the fires need to be stoked by some well meaning and truthful statements with heartfelt clarity.....
Thank you, thank you, thank you.......I feel a bit teary.......that is good!!  I was a little lost and now I am a little found..... 
Big warm hugs to you Nowheretorun and Muffy.......thank you for your support through this wild terrain.....
Michah |
Yes, Michah, this is what makes it all worthwhile.
It was not too long ago that I could have written something very similar to your first response. I did not trust anyone, let alone a "community". I had not yet learned that I had the power to limit who I trusted and to set effective boundries in order to distcriminately let whomever I wished to get a little closer after very close scrutiny.
When I was a young girl, I used to have a nightmare that repeated until I left my parents' home. I dreamed that the house was on fire and back then, we had dial phones. I could never dial the correct number for the fire department. The nightmare played over and over and over and over until I woke up sweating and crying.
It took me years to realize, with the help of T, that this nightmare represented the helplessness I felt growing up in an alcoholic home.
I am telling you the truth when I tell you that only two months ago (I am 56 years old) I had the courage to tell my husband about my most vulnerable times right before I planned my most recent suicide attempt. Always before, I had not told anyone but a professional the details because I didn't trust anyone else. Always before, he never was privvy to the stark details which preceded my hospitalizations.
I know what it feels like to not trust. I also know how important it is to be accepted and loved and supported when you cannot trust in return because that is not where you are at.
Thank you so much for contributing and sharing about your truth. 
__________________
 Vickie
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