Quote:
Originally Posted by susan888
Michah,
I am now 46 and for some reason everything I had stuffed down about my childhood started to come to the surface about a year prior to her death...I hear you when you say "if was that bad then I would remember"...but that isn't always true.
The human brain is an awesome thing and when you are a child with no one to protect you, I think sometimes the brain "hides" those memories until you are more able to deal with them...That is just my take on it...
Although in my experience....it has been very, very hard to find out that everything I believed for all of these years was just simply not true...That leaves you feeling like..well..I just don't know who I am....
Hugs to you Michah....It will come when you are ready for it to come.
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Thanks babe........big hugs back to you......I wonder where my past is hiding? I don't think much of it......I have added to the trauma by my own actions.......due to lack of self-worth......perpetual motion......
It has come up because I am writing a book......my truth must be censored due to inaccurate history, incomplete memories and parents that still live and shall read my story.......My father knows but my mother denies......she is the perpetrator. In forgiving her, I feel that I am betraying by being honest, for the truth of the past is ugly......it would be good if we were all on the same page.
Any writer will say that a good story is a true story.......in that, the truth reigns, even in fiction. People need to believe they are not having the wool pulled over their eyes. Getting to my truth is like pulling teeth.......and trying to write it is even harder.......for I do not remember. I have 2 memories now.....better than when I started therapy, I guess. But they are not fluid, they are snapshots in time.......it is the FEELING of that snapshot that bends me.
I shall work it out.......I have also heard an author say, " You cannot write of the pain when you are in the pain". Very true. It needs to be subjective for a wider audience....
I am getting there......thanks for your input sweets......