Hey Xelora,

It takes very special folks to be able to be friends after a breakup. Sometimes it can happen right away, other times it takes a few months to a few years before you can be friends/friendly.

I wouldn't say that I am friends with my first ex, but I have managed to have a decent relationship with him because of our children. Even though this man was an abusive s.o.b., I took the high road and realized that no matter what he was to me, he was still the father of my children and I needed to acknowledge that and have some respect for that relationship. I have had him over for holiday dinners as he is alone and ill now. We can talk and joke with one another and I have no fear of him anymore. I say what I want to say and he can go pound sand if he doesn't like it LOL.

My second ex, I care about very much. He finds it hard to have any connection even years after our divorce. I think of him like a big brother actually. Married we were no good, but as friends, we can make it ok. He's a good guy but I grew and he didn't and I needed to spread my wings as he sat in his recliner with the remote.....I just couldn't do that anymore.

Now, my soon to be 3rd ex is a bit of a different story. I hope we can be friends, but I'm not sure that will happen. We live in different countries and he really has nothing to do with me anymore. I'm ok with our divorce that is pending and I wish him well, but there is still some hurt and anger lingering in me and I think he is feeling very guilty and unsure of how I would accept him as other than my husband. So the jury is still out on that one.

All I know is that I would rather work through the difficulties and then put them aside if at all possible. Being able to see the ex's in public or private and being able to have a decent relationship after the breakup certainly makes life much easier for both parties. But I do understand that there are breakups that are so heated and difficult that there is no way there could be a friendship formed after the fact.


sabby