Mary Alice....

Frankly I think you are being unfair to your therapist. You are placing an expectation on them to be your "friend". They are not your friend, they are your therapist. That doesn't mean that they don't care about you. Clearly they chose their profession because they care about people and want to make a difference.

With all due respect I think that you are on a slippery slope here. I recognize the behaviors because I exhibit many of them myself. You have make a decision that you don't think that life is living. Then you behave in such a way as to insure your demise. Pushing your therapist away when they are only trying to help you is one of those behaviors. Although, I think that you rationalize things that if anything did happen to you it would be your therapist's fault and not yours.

Again, Mary Alice I can pick out these behaviors because I exhibit many of them myself. Sorry if I am coming across too bluntly, but it is time to be direct with you. I do so because I care about you and want to help you turn things around.

Things will turn around when you wnat them to turn around. If you have a different vision of the future you will take different actions to achieve that vision.

If you can't do it for yourself right now, do it for your son.