White_Iris,

I am sorry you hurt so bad, it is so draining to be in constant pain and the intense feelings tend to make pain worse. (I know by experience)

It is GOOD that you are complaining/venting. It is NOT self-pity to call the misery just what it is. It will not make you like your dad and sis. You are not even like them, so try to stop believing that venting to your friends makes you negative like they are.

I've had lots of pain issues, some organic and some psychosomatic - but they ALL hurt like h***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I am urging you to be human. You would let me complain and you would be kind to me - SO...do some of that for yourself. It is healthy to vent out the heat and steam of all these difficult feelings. I think if you got stuck in self-pity we would find a way to tell you so gently. Excuse my bluntness, but STOP BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF!!!!! (the above statement meant with all gentleness and kindness, etc....)

Sometimes I am mean to myself because I am angry and there is no one left to yell at. Anger is part of grief and a part of having pain that gets in the way of things that matter to you. So, you have good reasons to be angry.

I apologise if this is too blunt, but the people here who know you value you highly. I just want you to take the concern we have and let it do any good for you it can. I KNOW you would do the same for me/us.

Sending you butterfly hugs, many of them (they land lightly and never squeeze too hard)!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leslie/Pixies