White Iris,

I hear you and would prefer that you do not go into the closet!!........I have a crypt that I go in to days on end....

Chronic physical illness is one of the nastiest things I have ever had to deal with(I thought BPD was bad!! and it was......but this is bad in a different way.)

I do not have back problems in the context that you are speaking of.......I have a malfunctioning endocrine system......there is a war going on inside and professionals have little clue about healing it.......I am trying to get up the courage to try yet another medication that may or may not work.

Doctors, biopsies, specialists, hospital, mammograms, therapists, medication, housebound, disability pension.......yep, BIG trauma.......not to mention the hypervigilance has ramped up in the most spectaular way.

Someone earlier mentioned grief......they have hit the nail on the head.....I was grieving and enraged so badly 2 years ago that I wanted to die. But you have much insight, and I guess so do I........for I will NOT go quietly into the night......I will fight this and if it kills me at least I died fighting!!

You sound like a brave, motivated and caring person......with good support from your husband. I truly believe that you will turn the tide.....you will not become what you do not wish to become......

Take care White Iris......although I do not KNOW how you feel I can sure empathise.......be loving with your precious, precious self.....