(((((((((((BAMA)))))))))))

My heart goes out to you! My inner-child is nodding her head. She knows exactly how you feel!

My dad died when I was ten and they told me "It's okay. He went peacefully. He died in his sleep."

I was afraid to close my eyes for two years. Just as I would start to drift off to sleep at night, I would jerk myself awake. I would try everything not to fall asleep. (die)

(Of course now looking back at it, at ten I probably only stayed awake until 11 pm, but it sure felt like all night back then.)

I now know that was the start of my chronic/complex PTSD.

I don't know what to say to help you. I offer no words of wisdom, just an empathetic hug and a shoulder to lean on.

Petunia