I saw her for a while yesterday. We both go to a program for individual & group therapy, that's where we met. When she first walked in, another person and myself spoke to her. She briefly replied. Then I just sat there trying to think of something to say. Finally I just called her name and asked how she was doing. She stil gave the brief reply of being OK. I had thought she just didn't want to talk to me. Then I noticed later she acted like she didn't want to talk very much to any one else. She usually says more in group.

I started to give her the brief note that I had wrote, but I just put it back in my pocket. I was remembering what I had wrote a few days ago in my journal about protecting myself. I told my therapist that I had almost given her the note. He said by me just speaking to her, I had extended myself or opened the door for her to say more. I think I've extended myself too much in our friendship. Given way more than I've gotten back. Besides, the last two times I had seen her, the conversation didn't go very well.

Last night, I took the note out of my pocket and very deliberately tore it into small pieces. I was mildly angry, but I don't think that's why I done it. At least not the main reason. I was looking for a release... a letting go. It did seem to give me a little release. Perhaps just the beginning.

I still have the "what ifs?", but I think it's over with. I haven't accepted it, though. There's still hope that our friendship will resume sometime in the future. If it does, I need to work on having a different approach to it.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice.