Nabil,

I may not answer the way you want me too.....but I shall try.

When you ask if it is in your head and you can control it.......to a certain degree you can......we all have that power.......but control comes from KNOWING.

Control can also be compulsive, vigilant and unhealthy.......it is ACCEPTING that is the true path to mental freedom........accepting comes when you make peace with what is happening.....not fighting with it like you are trying to control an anaconda

Sometimes we need help with learning to accept.......I understand and respect your feelings about "drugs and other things"(sorry can't remember your exact words), however, to deny yourself the help, whatever that may be, is to deny yourself freedom........sometimes talking about what has happened can open doorways to healing.......

Be kinder to yourself, love yourself infinitely and accept these negative feelings.......no expectations and remember.......to forgive......

Take good care of you, Nabil........there is only one.......