I know we have only had one date and have only been talking for a cpl months but he hasn't told anyone I'm even a friend. He showed his mom a picture of who he was talking to one day but other than that no one. Not even his best friend. I don't mind that we are still just friends at this point cuz that's where we are but I'm worried about this secret thing. Why doesn't he even want to say I'm just a friend. Instead I'm one big secret. He texts me all day every day. He doesn't call unless I ask him to. Our first date went well and he wants to come back to see me again. Then there is all thi stuff in my mind and I sent him a message about the secret thing saying it bothers me and I hope it doesn't scare him cuz I kinda like him. I even told myself I wldnt be shallow. Or try not to because I use this false shallowness to get out of getting close to potential partners. Ill make up stupid excuses as to why I can't go out with ppl. But this guy I want to talk to I want to hear from and I'm not sure how to do this right now. I'm having problems with my moods and I just carved secret into my body. I don't think I'm ready for this. I think I'm way too messed up to even try. I won't be getting any closer to him for awhile now I can tell. I want to push back. Hold the door in my wall shut so no one can get in. I mentioned him to ppl but I'm a secret. I can't say anything now. Nothing. Maybe trying wasn't such a good idea.