It hurts so much to have sx of PTSD, it hurts so much to have parts. little things are so scary and people don't understand. we have to live in the reality of everyone else's world and not have the mind to do it- then we're blamed for being hurt. We don't have a 'right' to be hurt.
Example- today my h shut the light off when i was downstairs. our cellar is very scary to parts- and i have the kind of DID where there's a lot of conflict- the worst person possible will be there when things like that happen. we don't have a happy club inside where everyone is co-operating and happy to help.

So we're afraid because the light suddenly gets turned off when we're down there in the cellar. Then say "Don't shut the light off on me."
H is instantly angry. Somehow it's my fault. So i'm hurt because it was so dark and scary and hard to walk up the stairs and i'm hurt because h is angry and then he has to add another word picture that's terrifying because he's having a bad day. Now i have to deal with that, and h says "You make too much of it."
We didn't make anything equal to the fear and pictures in our head about it. Now we have to go to work - where my boss was yelling yesterday and it's so hard to do anything right in the 115 degree heat. i can't leave my house until i feel better- it's so hard to get ready when i'm being attacked and no one cares.

i wish someone would know how it feels to have to live like this- i wish h would care and not be constantly angry for hurting me.
Everything is so unfair, it's so hard to live.

i just wish someone would care and feel badly enough about hurting me to stop.

thank you reading,
kerria