Mary Alice,
Glad I made you laugh.

Is there anyone else you know in your real life that has no self worth besides yourself?

This is gonna sound so cliche BUT you have to love yourself first before someone can really love you. If it's one thing the past 2,5 years has tought me is that I have to love and take care of myself. No one else will. There are people that care about me but not enough to really show it or be there.

I know what you are feeling Mary Alice. Being in a strange country without anyone is so hard. My husband abandoned me. I couldn't tell family back home. I couldn't afford to make the phone call to hear a voice and I would've lost it if I did. I had met alot of people but didn't really know anyone here.
I had nothing that felt normal and no one. I went to the edge. The very edge. It was between checking in and checking out. I had nothing Mary Alice and no one.

My point. I got thru it. I didn't end it, I didn't give up and now although life isn't great and sometimes it's really hard I am glad I didn't give in. I found there are so many little things to live for.

I don't look at the big picture. I rarely feel sorry for myself. I made mistakes that got me here and I had no control over what happened to me but I do have control over what I choose to do now.

It is taking some time and I am rebuilding myself and I don't always want to keep fighting. Sometimes still I think about just getting it over with because there seems to be no point but I know there is a point. I have to look for it. I have to find something to hang on to. Even if it's small, even if it seems stupid to others. It's still mine. It still means something to me.

You have your son. He loves you unconditionally and completely. That is alot to hang on to. I wonder what it would be like to have someone like that. I don't have kids.

There will come a day when someone will come along that will be a good friend or a good partner. You haven't been looking and you may have already passed someone by because you were too busy shutting yourself off and everyone out. Look up Mary Alice. There are special people all around you, you just have to be ready to accept help and love. You'll never find what your looking for if you stop looking.

Enough for now huh? I am having a pretty bad day myself.
Hugs as always Mary Alice,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin